Picture this: You’re in the middle of an intense gun battle, bullets flying all around you, in the middle of some third world shithole like Syria, Somalia, or Gary, Indiana. Your current carrier design was built in a piñata factory by children, and is about as useful as a paper condom. But hey…think of all that money you saved buying the turkey buzzard tactical shit that’s about to be your death shroud. If you want a carrier that’s more advanced than your ex’s new boyfriend, then let me introduce you to the SMC Plate Carrier from Grey Ghost Gear.
This bad boy has been in the works for two whole years. That’s longer than it takes to potty train a toddler! And let me tell you, they’ve packed everything you could possibly need into this thing. It’s lightweight, so you won’t feel like you’re carrying a herd of elephants on your back. And it’s combat-ready, you can fight a rhinoceros in it.
One of the most impressive features of the SMC Plate Carrier is its versatility. It’s designed to carry a pair of 10×12 hard plates or, for you “Meat n Brownies” diet-types, most large SAPI plates. The cummerbund features MOLLE/PALS style webbing that lets you add pouches for side plates if you prefer your kidneys to remain intact. The front panel also features an open pocket that’s perfect for storing your phone, maps, water bottles, fleece cap, or gloves.
But what really sets the SMC Plate Carrier apart is its unique design. This carrier is “one size fits most” thanks to its adjustable shoulder straps and cummerbund, which ensures a snug fit whether you’re built like a Greek god or an alcoholic professional wrestler from the 1980’s with a spine full of slipped disks from all those times a folding chair was wrapped around your back.
In the event of an emergency, the new ROC buckles on one shoulder strap (reversible) and either side of the cummerbund can be rapidly released, making it easy to take off the carrier, escape from a dangerous situation, or engage in coitus.
Another great feature of the SMC Plate Carrier is its compatibility with the new SMC zippered back panels. These back panels are designed to attach easily to the YKK zippers and webbing on the back panel of the SMC carrier, so you can tailor your carrier specifically for the mission at hand. And if you already have a SOCOM-issued carrier with a zippered back panel system, then you’ll be happy to know that all of the SMC back panels are compatible with these carriers as well.
The SMC Plate Carrier is also designed with your comfort in mind. The cummerbund and inside faces of the carrier body are made with breathable mesh, so you won’t overheat during intense operations. The interior padding, enclosed in tweave, provides additional comfort and air channels that wick away moisture and stank. There are also six rows of MOLLE/PALS style webbing, with built-in matching loop material on the top three rows for attaching patches or ID panels.
The SMC Plate Carrier is made with laser-cut laminate nylon, which offers all the modularity of traditional MOLLE webbing at a significant reduction in weight, unlike your ex-wife. This material is also strong and water/chemical resistant, and the cut edges won’t fray after they’re heat-sealed with the laser (Uncle Ted is not happy about this).
The SMC Plate Carrier from Grey Ghost Gear is the perfect choice for anyone, made of dick and backbone, who needs a lightweight, versatile, and comfortable plate carrier that can handle any situation. With its unique design, compatibility with SMC back panels and SOCOM-issued carriers, and advanced features like breathable mesh and laser-cut laminate nylon, this carrier is the ultimate in tactical gear. So what’s the hold up, nippledick? Order your SMC Plate Carrier today and experience the next level of tactical superiority!
Grey Ghost Gear SMC Plate Carriers are available in Coyote Brown, Black, Multicam, Multicam Black, and Multicam Tropic.